When is it my turn?

To have the master bedroom? To have my own Christmas tree and decorate my own house? Granted I had that last holiday season, but with how unhappy I was, nothing in that house really ever felt like mine. It never felt like home. So here I am 21 with an 18 month old, living with my dad. Awesome. Maybe this post is my poor me post. I know I should be talking about how thankful I am for everything that I have, but today I'm just not feelin' it. It's a rainy December day here in the Pacific Northwest and I have nothing to keep my mind distracted from my current situation. It's ok to have these days, right? Right. I'm just going to keep giving bogus reasons as to why it's ok to complain today. I'm usually such a positive person. Everyone has their days.
Anyway, I have no problems living with my dad. It's definitely not some horrible place to be. It's just the fact that I can't afford to live on my own. Actually I can't afford anything, no joke. I want to be able to give my daughter everything she needs plus a little something more. I don't want to be unrealistic and say that I want to give her the world because the possibility of me becoming a millionaire I'm sure is about a 0% chance. I want her to live comfortably and I don't want her to ever worry that we wont have enough money for something. And I want to do this for her on my own. I don't want to have to depend on anyone to lend me money.
Since I graduated back in 2010 I've had 4 jobs, 3 of which lasted only 3 weeks. And the last one ended just over two years ago now because I was reliant on my husband to be the breadwinner at the time. Now we're separated and I have no fall back plan. I suppose this is life trying to teach me a lesson. You really need to be independent in every way and confident with your independence before you can be with someone else and make it last. That may not work for everyone, but I truly believe that is what will work for me.
As I'm typing and thinking of what to say next all I can think about is how I should say that I did recently get hired at a daycare where I'll be starting at the beginning of the new year and I start college in the Spring, so I definitely do have some things to look forward to. I guess it's just hard right now because I still feel stuck in the same place that I've been for a few years. Maybe once things get going I wont feel like that anymore. Maybe if I'm really good with my money and save and save and save while I'm in school I can give her the little life that I feel she deserves. And this is not to say that her father isn't helping financially or is some dead beat because he helps with what he can and he is a good father, but times are tough for everyone right now. My goal is to be able to do this once I'm done with my schooling. It would be awesome to be able to do this before I'm done, but we will see how things go.
Sorry for all my rambling. Maybe writing things all out will make my poopy day get better since I'm writing all these things that I'm thinking or feeling. I can't really say if this is therapeutic for me just yet. I suppose I'll just have to keep this going for a little while. Who knows if anyone is even reading this. Oh well, I think I'll go now I have some SOA catching up to do! I think I'm feeling better just thinking about getting some Jax Teller in my day ;)

Starting over.

It's been a while since I've written any entries on this thing and to be honest the main reason I'm writing now is because for some reason you can't pin pictures from FaceBook so I need to post the pictures here. But since I'm here now I'll give you a little update on my life.
As of today my daughter and I have moved up to Washington state to live with my dad. I will be starting school in the Spring and I couldn't be more excited about it! But until then I'm just job hunting to get some extra cash. I had an interview with a daycare that went fairly well so fingers crossed I get it! There are some other things going on that aren't all that interesting so I'm going to be skipping those...for now.
Anyway, my best friend flew up from Utah this past Friday and stayed with me until today. She is an AMAZING (and I'm not just saying this because she's my BFF and I love her to death) photographer, you can check out her blog or her FaceBook page. I honestly cannot say enough good things about her photographs. And not only does she have the artistic eye, she is so admirable in the way she makes her clients feel while taking their pictures. During photo shoots she genuinely compliments them. I know from experience and I have to say she has been one of the biggest influences for my self confidence. Here are some of her latest photos of me and one stunning picture of my daughter.

The dog days are over.

Literally. While Laney and I were visiting my family in Seattle we decided to take Bug back to the shelter. We weren't able to get her digging under control and potty training wasn't going so great. Better to give her a chance with another family than continue on a not so great path at our home. I really do feel bad, but I guess it just wasn't the right time:/.
On a lighter note the trip to Seattle went very well:)! We stayed with my dad, who we hadn't seen since August, so I was very excited about that! A lot of my family got to meet little Laney bug and we got to see some old friends of mine. We didn't do all the touristy stuff. It was pretty low key, but I got to see everyone I wanted and that's all I cared about! Now we are on to get ready for my amazing mother-in-law to come visit! We actually have a fairly busy next few months! I can't wait to write all about everything as it happens. I'm off for now!

Mommy & me.

The playgroup area looked similar to this just filled with moms & babies.

Today, I finally went to the mommy and me playgroup that I've been talking about. I'm very glad I went, but it wasn't quite what I had anticipated. I thought it was more of a class where they give you age appropriate play ideas, but it was more of a baby free for all. It was a gym filled with toys and there was a small area for smaller babies who aren't crawling or are just starting to crawl. It was amazing to see Laney interact with other babies. I didn't expect her to be so social since she's never been around other babies before. She was all smiles and laughs which made me extremely happy. She was very gentle when touching other babies, wasn't fussy at all, and seemed to genuinely enjoy being there. I will definitely be going again this Thursday! 

What I didn't really enjoy was the fact that all I got out of the other moms, save for one, was some small talk. For the most part they stayed in their own little groups not seeming interested in meeting anyone new. Now it may just be because it was my first time going, but I again am feeling not super welcome. But I am an optimistic person so I am going to stay positive and continue going:). 

On to a different subject; Bug. We haven't had her for very long and she's an extremely sweet dog, but with all the training she needs and how stubborn she is, we aren't sure if we will be able to keep her:(. I hate that we might have to take her back, but we may not have been ready for a dog just yet. We are going to give it a little more time, but if we can't get her completely potty trained and get her to stop digging we wont have a choice. If there are any people reading this that might have some tips it would be greatly appreciated. I really don't want to get rid of her:(.

Well I can hear the call of motherhood. Laney is awake. I'll be back tomorrow or the next day or...whenever;).

Here's to a new day.

The face that makes it all worth it.

Ever have one of those days where you feel everything is going well then someone just blows up on you? Yeah, that was my day yesterday. I wont go too much into detail because I'm not one to post all my personal "bidness" online, but apparently I have many faults that I was previously unaware of. What I don't understand is why people don't just confront the issue as it happens, even if you have to address the same issue more than once. Why let everything build to the point where your mind is so full of angry emotions it looks like a house from one of those hoarding shows? And all of a sudden your life is a mess with all these issues that you're trying to fix at the same time. It just doesn't make any sense to me.

I guess I'm just a little more straight forward when it comes to letting people know they're doing something that bothers me. That way I don't end up having those big blowouts on unsuspecting and sometimes (not always) undeserving people. Oh well, everyone copes with things in their own ways I suppose.

Anyway, everything was talked through last night and today has been better. But we'll see how long it lasts. Hopefully the things said will stick in our heads and we'll both be able to communicate with each other more efficiently. 

Thanks for letting me go on a mini-rant. Haha! I got my full rant on last night talking with my best friend +Bailey. She's amazing and you should go read her blog;). On a lighter note I got all the information needed for that mommy/baby class I mentioned in my first entry and have almost officially signed up for the class. There's a few questions about my husbands unit on the sign up form that I need his help with! I'm not sure why they need his unit information, but I guess I'm still pretty new to this Army housewife/mommy business. I'm excited for Laney to be able to interact with other kids and learn some new skills since she doesn't go to daycare or anything. I'm sure I'll be learning some new things myself:). 

That's all I've got for today. Now I'm going to get my clean on! 
Until tomorrow:)

New to this blogging world.

Being that this is my first blog, as well as putting into consideration that I haven't been to school in a good 3 years, I would appreciate it if you didn't judge:). I've decided to start blogging just to pass the time. As being a stay at home mom to a 7 month old baby girl and a less than 1 year old Lab'Aire living on a more than isolated Army base knowing not a soul doesn't give me much to do at nap time.

I guess my story in short is that I married my high school sweetheart, Ryan, and not 2 weeks later did we find out that I was pregnant! Perfect timing as we had just learned my now husband would be stationed in the far away land we all know as South Korea. Also note that he had already been gone almost a year just for training alone. Awesome, really. In the year that he was away my pregnant days were filled with trying to find anything and everything to keep my mind off the fact that I was newly married, pregnant, and living with my in-laws awaiting the anticipated arrival of not only my baby, but my husband! (Insert sob story of how awful it is to have your soldier husband overseas whilst you are with child.) It really wasn't so bad having all my friends and family around, but still. Come June 9, 2012 Ryan was finally home and by June 15, 2012 I had my little family all to myself...not! Unfortunately Ryan had to go back to S. Korea for another 4 months after being home only 3 weeks. Fast forward to November and he's home for good! He came home on the 13th and on the day our daughter, Laney, turned 5 months old we were off to California! 

We've been here a little over 2 months now and I think I'm finding it to be...less than welcoming. Moving to an Army base is definitely not like in the movies/T.V. shows. No one brings you "welcome to the neighborhood" gifts or brings you dinner for the whole week. I've yet to even see anyone in my neighborhood come out of their house! Not to say I'm outside 24/7, or really putting myself out there either, but I guess I just pictured things differently. How naive of me, right? Well with this in mind I've decided to not become a recluse. We got a dog, Bug, that I take for walks for a chance to nonchalantly meet other stay at home moms at the park. Good idea don't you think? And I've decided to go to a mommy/baby group that meets every Tuesday and Thursday. So I'll have to let you know how that goes!

Hopefully this new place will bring positive things for my little family, but I know the only surefire way that's going to happen is for me to make it happen! And I believe, and hope, the mommy/baby group is a good start. A late start, but a good one nonetheless:). 

So that may not have been the shortest way to put things, but remember when I said not to judge? This is why. After writing this I definitely feel like I could keep this blogging thing up, but we'll see what new days bring me.

Above picture is from Alisha King Photography.